Ask Roseann – the most Wickedly Good Matchmaker on the Planet!
People think that if you’re turning 40 and you’ve never been married, there’s something wrong with you. You are either commitment phobic, have abandonment issues (both could be true), or there is something men learn while dating you that makes them want to date somebody else. Maybe you do that to them! And maybe you need to stop.
It dawned on me, I am putting two threads of advice into this piece that are both important. One about selecting men who are unavailable and the other about behaviors you’re bringing into your relationships that are keeping you safe from going the distance with anyone. So I’ve written a follow-up post with how to look at what your behaviors are and identify what’s behind them.
The first thing I look at when I am at an event hunting for super eligible single men and women is so simple, you’ll be surprised. Yes, physical attraction and appearance are the visual first takeaway I see from a distance. But when I get up close, there’s one universal quality that all men and women are drawn to. It’s the same for this matchmaker. I look for genuineness in their smile.
Cameron Diaz thought she'd be married with children at 21. She turns 40 on August 30th, 2012. Many singles are getting married later. Is she, like you possibly, picking men with no long term potential? www.especiallyselective.com (602) 241-1800
Cameron Diaz has that smile nailed! She has one of the quickest, most inviting smiles I can think of. Can you think of anyone who smiles this big? Feel free to post it in the comments. When Cameron Diaz smiles, it feels like she’s happy to the core. She’s portraying she is going to be fun to be on a date with. Besides her being a long-legged, blue-eyed blond (hey-ey, me, too!), her smile has attracted Matt Dillon, Jared Leto – who told Details magazine he saw no point in marriage, and Justin Timberlake – who is engaged to Jessica Biel.
A recent ex of hers, New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez, said Diaz is “probably one of the greatest human beings I’ve ever met, and just an amazing light” in an interview with Kevin Frazier for TheInsider.com. Attracting men has not been a problem for the famous Hollywood actress. She’s had multi-year relationships.
A-Rod said later in that interview that Hollywood’s most notorious bachelor, one-time and never to be married again George Clooney, is his role model. Ding! Ding! Ding! Danger, Will Robinson!
You can find George Clooney’s (and it seems every celeb’s) dating history on Who’s Dated Who. While it’s an impressive, long list of beautiful women, think of who you’ve dated. If you’re approaching 40 and haven’t been married, there are probably a few photos in your man album, too. I realize, some men are probably going to read this and have the same stuff in their way of finding true love and marriage as women do.
So, girlfriends, are you picking the right men to date? Or are you keeping safe by picking the wrong men? They say nice guys finish last. Are you bypassing the good ones to go out with the ones who you can tell are trouble? They’re low risk because they have no potential! You have nothing to complain about if you can’t resist the attentions of a bad boy. The bad boys can be intoxicating. But if they are narcissists, once they have won you over, they will be looking for their next challenge. Eventually, the girl who wants a serious relationship will return her bad boy. You wouldn’t be reading this article, most likely, if you didn’t find some self truths in here.
The question to ask yourself is, what do you really want? If it’s the best relationship you could ever imagine with a wonderful man, why are you letting yourself get in your own way? Is it because it’s better to date the wrong somebody than nobody? You know dating the wrong ones keeps opportunities to meet the right ones out of reach.
Look at your men choices you’ve made. Get to know yourself…better. These are your starters to think about. Before you jump into something with the next person you date, look at what you see in them and if you are truly looking for a meaningful relationship, make sure it’s not an early identifiable Mr. Wrong. I’ve asked divorced men and women why they got divorced and when they knew. Some said they knew before they married them.
It turns out, in a study by the National Center for Health Statistics, more single women are cohabiting and waiting longer to get married. I don’t know if that makes unmarried women approaching 40 feel any better. But you’re not alone.
Sending you forever love wishes,
Roseann
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